Divorce – Farooque

Divorce Blessing in Disguise

Is it a curse or is it a blessing in disguise?

Divorce! A heart-wrenching word ending one’s happy moments. A dissolution of marriage and the separation of two hearts that has been one.

How many among you failed in countless things in your life, including your marriage? You are not alone. It has been 5 years since I married a man whom I thought was my first and last marriage. I thought that was a dream comes true! 6 months after what it seems like a perfect marriage, things started crumbling down. I used to ask, why do people get married only to have fallen out of love later, wreck each other’s lives and get divorced? That was a question from a naive version of myself.

I once thought that when two people decided to get married, they have decided to be with each other, no matter what! Two people willing to make each other’s life perfect even through imperfect situations! Ohh, wait! Was I wrong to think that way about marriage? No, I don’t think I’m wrong. Have you thought the same thing when you got married?

Yes! Marriage is a beautiful thing. Two hearts become one, promised to hold each other through thick and thin. Understand each other even in rough times, and love each other till death do you part. BUT, that’s only when you married the RIGHT person.

We all tend to point fingers at each other if something did not work out, instead of trying to work it out. You might be wondering, did I gave up easily when the shit hit the fan? No! I tried my best, at least I thought that was my best, to save the marriage because I didn’t believe in divorce. But relationships are like dancing the tango, you need two to tango right? You cannot do it alone. My man recently showed me a quote from Facebook: Love is like a fart, if you have to force it, it’s probably shit. This is exactly what it felt like in my past marriage.

Divorce Blessing in Disguise

Actually, I believe that my divorce was a blessing in disguise and I believe that it might be for many of you. Don’t you agree? I think Divorce is the best gift you could give to yourself. If you don’t agree with me, let me tell you why Divorce is a blessing in disguise.

Why my divorce is a blessing in disguise?

Divorce is not for the weak! It takes all your strength and courage to keep going after a heartbreaking experience. It is normal to feel defeated, hurt, and broken to pieces, but when you get back up, no one can shake you.

My divorce helped me know myself better, it defined who I am and it encouraged growth. I discovered my inner self and I became the woman I am today. I am smarter, stronger and the confident woman more than I ever thought I could be.

Most of the time divorce changes us, but it should change us for the better. You might agree with me, that most divorced women became women with quality and standards. We, divorced women don’t settle for something or someone who doesn’t meet our standards (men, hint for you) isn’t it?

Divorce is a Learning Experience

Through my divorce, I learned that you don’t marry someone just because you think you love them. You marry someone because you believe and know you are willing to fall in love over and over again. Marriage can’t work if two people won’t work it out.

“I love you, but I’m not in love with you anymore”. Painful but these are the words that helped me realize being married is not for people who just “love” each other. LOVE is not enough! If you are planning to get married, don’t do it if you think you just love the person you’re going to marry. Marry them because you are in love with them and will continue to do so. Do it because you know each other so well and you can make magic happen.

Marriage is not like eating a hot potato that you can just drop it when it’s too hot to eat. You don’t marry someone because they complete you. You should marry someone because you complete each other, you grow together, and you learn how to complement each other.

Divorce Means Second Chances

How many of you believe in second chances? My divorce granted me a second chance to be proud of myself, learn from my mistakes, and to appreciate myself. We could never fix what was already done, that is not what second chances is about. We are given a second chance to prove to ourselves that we could do better and to discover our full potential.

Every pain you felt becomes your ammo for every challenge that life throws at you. Every broken piece that shattered, becomes your shield from anything that will try to destroy you. And this is the part that you become who you really are, and discover what you are made of.

My divorce led me to someone who taught me how privileged I am to be divorced. See, my friend? Divorce is not the end of the world, even if feels like it at first. After you realized that your separation from people who are making your life miserable is actually a blessing, you will be one of the happiest people you could ever imagine.

Serendipity through Divorce

After all the pain and heartbreaks, serendipity brought me a man whom I never thought would exist. If this is not a blessing, I don’t know what to call it. Because I was brave enough to let go of what was undermining my soul, I was able to appreciate the second chance that life rendered to me.

After two years of wheedling, my man, John managed to win me over. His love is undeniably overflowing that sometimes it made me doubt myself if I am worthy of it. He never fails to remind me how it is to be truly loved, how it is to be trusted and how it really feels not to be lied to. And I am ready to prove that I am not wrong to believe that marriage is beautiful when you marry the RIGHT person. I appreciate every drop of tears, every pain I felt, and every debt I paid. Because my divorce is indeed a blessing in disguise.

Don’t be Afraid of Divorce

If you are someone who is facing a divorce, don’t be afraid. The pain you are feeling now is nothing compared to the joy you will be feeling later. Things might not be what you wanted now, but it is actually preparing you for what you will need later. Be brave and wipe away your tears together with the person who made you cry and made you feel weak.

Comments

It’s better to come out of a marriage that makes you unhappy than to stay and waste years of trying to help a broken person.
I think my divorce was a blessing. I never romantically loved the man I married and we were both very unhappy.
I believe there are always ways to save a marriage except, the union was entered into for other reasons and not for love.
I agree with you, there are many way to save the marriage, but one person can’t do it alone. It takes two to tango.
I am glad you were able to see the blessing in disguise. Not all change is bad and it takes a lot of courage to make a change.
I never knew your story before. You are a strong independent Woman and you certainly showed the world that divorce is not end of the world. It is in fact the beginning of a beautiful new journey. I hope your journey continues to be full of happiness and blessings.
Thank you so much. Yes, divorce is a new beginning of a beautiful journey.
I think it depends on the situation. If the kids are being affected, then it’s better to divorce.
I’ve had a few friends whose parents have been through one themselves, and I’ve witnessed how these usually extroverted individuals suddenly turn silent at the slightest mention of the “D” word.
Yes. I also agree that divorce is blessing in disguise. Many wives who can’t stay with her husband any longer but choose to stay because of their children. I know they sacrifice for their children’s happiness but it’s not a good idea. The woman who can’t enjoy happiness herself can’t bring happiness to others, I think.
I agree with you, most reason why two unhappy couple don’t commit divorce because of the children which is wrong, in my own opinion. They would rather stay in marriage, make each other’s life hell and wreck their child’s life.
What a way to put a positive spin on something that seems negative. My takeaways from this is that It’s not the end of world because your relationship ended, it’s just the beginning of what was already waiting behind door number 2. Makes one look at the glass half full. The love quote about the fart was funny!
If door number 1 closes, there are still a lot of doors that yet to be open. Haha, I’m glad you found the humor in it.
Divorce is a blessing no matter how you look at it. And your story sounds exactly like mine, only I was in my early 4-0 when I first got married. Of course, I believed the universe was beginning to smile on me after having gotten the middle finger for so long. But no it lasted exactly two years even though I was willing to overlook the fact that he had already married four times- I was the fifth. Long story short, I had left my job, was deported after trumped up charges- were living in Saudi, etc. I’m back to country and still trying to get the pieces of my life together. Sorry it’s been long.
You will get there, one day you will smile and give the middle finger back to the universe :). I wish you happiness and life full of success and praying that you’ll get the pieces back together very soon.
I don’t see divorce as a bad thing necessarily. Like you said, its about second chances. And whats more, its being able to identify a healthier life for everyone involved.
You know life is like that but we pick up the pieces and go again. Marriage is not for the selfish and immature. I went through a similar experience but you know what the issues were facing me from the beginning but I thought they would go away. I found out the hard way that problems don’t go away because you refuse to acknowledge them. Now I know you are no linger willing to life’s pray. Pray and put the past in your rear-view mirror. You are beautiful and strong. The world will make way for the likes of you.
I totally agree with you, if things are not working out after trying to make things work out then the relationship should be ended.
I really hope that my marriage won’t lead to divorce. but for some case, if there is abuse and negligence, i will suggest to go for divorce. It helps broken couple to move on with their separate lives and stop the hurting.
I agree with it, better to be alone than with someone who is not treating you right.
Sorry you had to go through that. Divorce can be a good or bad thing. I am personally still married, 3 years, but I have certainly shouted the “D” word before. Everyone has tough times, and sometimes getting out is the answer.
I agree with you dear. Divorce is a blessing and I hope divorce bill in the Philippines will be approve. Many wives in the Philippines suffer and no choice even if they’re not happy with their marriage anymore since divorce is still not legal in the Philippines. We have the same story but I am not married before. I know God has a reason why we did not get married with that man. But it took many years of me before I healed. I can’t smile anymore for many years. I don’t want to talk to anyone. It changes me a lot. Every day, every minute, all I always pray and crying to God to heal my heart and learn my heart to forgive those people who hurt me. Thanks God, I have now a peace of mind and no more hatred in my heart.
It’s just a matter of time. As we go along with life, the time of healing comes in a really good way. I’m glad you have found the true meaning of happiness and that is to let go of all the hatred and live a happy life.
What a beautiful and insightful post! Your strength is reflected in every word of this post. I believe marriage is a sacred bond and like you said, it takes 2 to tango. I’m glad you were brave even to go your own way, if not you would never have met John the right man for you. Loved reading every minute of this beautiful post x
I truly believe that divorce is nothing to be ashamed about, infact it is so much better than the daily abuses, fights, stress. It is better to let go the toxic relationship.
I totally agree, divorce is nothing to be ashamed about infact it’s a right to come out of that toxic relationship. Couples don’t usually understand, what worse is taking each other abuses, fighting for no reason, taking the stress. It is better to let go off the relationship.
I never had any experience with divorce until I met my husband. My parents were married for 30 years, literally until death do-us-part and although they went through some tough periods they were a team and worked together on their marriage and that it what I aimed for too. My husband’s parents divorced when he was 11 and in the 12+ years we’ve been together I can see why his parents divorce was the best option. They are just not matched, but are amicable which makes family get togethers easy. Fortunately my hubby is a straight down the line, logical kind of person and even at 11 he knew divorce was the best option for this parents. He took their experience and vowed not to make the same mistakes. Unfortunately his sister didn’t see it that way and in all of her relationships she makes the same mistakes, stays with someone when she shouldn’t and selfishly choosing to have a child with someone knowing that they weren’t committed and even though the guy has cheated on her, she still sticks with him. I’m sorry you had to go through a divorce but very happy that you didn’t stick with it knowing it wasn’t working, why waste the time and energy? I’m super happy that you have found someone who adores you.
Thank you for this very insightful thoughts that you’ve shared with us. I really appreciate it. If you married the right person, divorce is not even an option I am happy that your husband is the person that he is. I am also glad that my man never fails to remind me that relationship with someone who appreciates and respect you is something you have to keep.
Hats off to your dedication through life. Your article reminds me someone.
There is no way to tell if the divorce is a blessing or not coz every story is different but i agree with you that if your marriage is not working even after trying your best, its a good thing to get your ways parted!
I like how you show that there is life after divorce and to move on. I know that now a person is now free for the right one to come along.
Thank you, it is not our fault having experienced a bad relationships, but it will be our faults if we stay. Life won’t end after the relationship ended, it is only the beginning of the new journey.
Thank you Crisly for this heartfelt and personal article. Your story reminds me of mine only that I wasn’t married but it was the most hellish time. When in such situations it’s always good to look inward for a lasting solution, blessings
You’re welcome Vivian, I am glad that you have found a way to get out and run away from that hell. I am sure that your experienced play a big role in what you are today. Blessings to you too.
While I’ve never been married I do agree that people shouldn’t be afraid of divorce. I’ve seen too many people stay in unhappy/unhealthy marriages
I’m glad we have the same views. I don’t understand why would people stay in a bad unhealthy relationship and stay wretched, rather than end it.
It’s definitely a blessing! It’s better to be alone and happy than unhappy and in a bad relationship 🙂
You are absolutely right. If the relationship is making you miserable it is time to end it.
After seeing a number of my friends going through bad marriages, I would say your blog is really relevant to those who are facing this turmoil in life. Thanks for the insights.
You’re welcome. There is always good in something bad, all we need to do is face it and find it. Hope your friends could face the bad marriage right and find something good from it.
A unhappy marriage is worst, it is always best to walk out of a bad relationship
Yes, you are right. If a relationship doesn’t give you happiness but only sadness, end it and let go.
Divorce is one of the most painful experiences one can have,but there is life after divorce. When we emerge from the initial period of mourning we begin to learn as part of a reflective process. . One thing we learn is that marriage is not for the naive. After my divorce, like you I wanted to prove that marriage can be beautiful and that I can make a marriage work. I prayed to God for the opportunity to show this and he sent a good man into my life. I pray for the same for you.
I am glad you found someone that helped you see that divorce is a blessing in disguise.
Even some people see that divorce is something wrong for whatever reasons, it is actually the right thing to do in some condition.
Thank you for sharing your story. I believe this could help those who are having hard times in facing divorce.
A new perspective from a guy who lives in a country where divorce is forbidden. Thanks for the insight.
I believe that divorce can be a blessing, I agree its a chance to start new.
Wow this struck me: “..it was the mask that fell off and revealed their true identity.”
It’s really sad to know that divorce is a norm these days.. Hopefully everyone should know their partner’s worth.
I could not agree with you more. My parents are divorced. My only regret as a child of that union, is that they should have done it earlier. They would have been better, happier people .Trying to hang on when there is nothing left only makes you bitter. You put it so well, it is the beginning and not the end. If only more people saw it that way. All the very best!
Thank you so much, I’m glad to know that you as a child of broken marriage understand it well. People choose to be with each other because of their children even though they are making things worse, I also understand that it is their children’s taht they are protecting, but most people does not understand that they are doing more harm than good.
My parents are not divorce so I don’t really know the feeling of it. This gave me more of an insight on marriage. Nice post.
Thanks for sharing this post. I think both marriage and divorce are beautiful on their own purposes.
This is a positive spin on what a divorce is, it doesn’t have to be this terrifying thing! People should be praised for even giving marriage a chance!
My coworker just got divorced last month and he is so relieved. He wasn’t happy, he said, and whenever he came home, there was more tension than happiness.
Hmmm. Very interesting article. One of my dear ones went through it recently. Will share this post with them!
Thanks for sharing such a great blog post – I am still great friends with my ex husband and people think it’s odd.
I love your analogy of letters and it’s crazy how when commitment comes into it and things out of our control how things can go down rapidly but I am glad you are viewing divorce positively.
Divorce can be the most painful decision and the longest process to take. Its not fast as you can get married. However having said that we need to think of our kids before the separation. If you don’t have kids and not happy with the marriage, i guess i wouldn’t think twice
It’s hard to think of something as painful as divorce as blessing in disguise. However, it is a raw truth and there’s no denying that a failed relationship could actually pave a better path for a separated couple in the future.
Well said. I was married to a great man, but he just wasn’t the one for me. I learned a lot about myself during that divorce and certainly grew from that experience.
We can’t really judge people. Some divorce works well on others some damages them for life.
My divorce was a blessing! It was hard but i learned so much. 12 years later i remarried my soulmate and best friend. I am a complete and total person and we mesh together!
It’s better to get divorced and being happy rather than being in an unhealthy marriage and dying daily I personally think. This is a real good point.
Very inspiring! This is an eye-opener for me and to all single ladies that marriage is something that you need to pray for. Like what you’ve said it’s not easy. I’m happy that you’ve found John who let you experience the true meaning of love. And I think you are right, in your situation you can call divorce as “blessing in disguise”. If you’re in a relationship that doesn’t serve you well, it’s better to let it go.
Divorce is definitely not for the weak, I may not be able to say that it is going to be okay but surely we all have the capability to bounce back from every adversity including a rocky marriage that would result to its dissolution. But just like any adversity, we fall, we rise up! This is such a meaningful post and definitely an inspiring one. Thanks for sharing.
It is not easy to get out of relationship that you willfully entered into and then break all the bonds and get rid of it but it’s for better in most scenarios.
It’s a tough decision for sure but it is up to every individual to decide whether it is worth fighting for your marriage or proceed with divorce. It has to be a well thought decision.
Divorce is a hard thing, but it can be necessary. It’s hard when only one person is invested in the relationship. I believe everything is for the best. We go through every experience for a reason
Beautiful! Sometimes staying away is better than suffering everyday. I loved the positivity in your post. I am sure it will be of great support to many going through this phase.
Beautiful! Your post will be of great help for many. It is better to stay away than suffer every day. Strength to everyone struggling
Life sometimes has miraculous ways that intervened between us because sometimes it feels like unbearable we don’t do anything about it and then life took over…. Miraculous like a divine intervention. So it can be a blessing for some exceptional cases….. And u would know if God has blessed this. Life is showing us the way in mysterious ways and would only later realize it is for good.
I think in marriage, you should always have a back-up plan for the worst. At least when divorce happens, you are ready.
Oh I’m married but I wouldn’t want to experience divorce, but tis article would really help people who’s unfortunately going through with it.
The long distance relationship thing is actually terrified me, I am in one now and we supposed to get married the next summer, l hope things don’t end up like that.
Don’t let my story startle you, though long distance relationships are scary, some are worth it. Just one lesson I would like you to remember, always listen to you instinct, and evaluate. Do not let my story affect your story, learn from it instead. Don’t make the same mistakes I did. I forgot to value myself, I ignored my instinct, and I fooled myself. If you can sense that something is wrong, something might be really wrong, so evaluate and check.
Thank you so much Christine, I do have worries but I don’t know how to handle them properly, I guess I should evaluate the situation and figure out them, you gave me the biggest favor i need right now.
Separation, may be for any reason, causes pain.. having said that , I feel that a cancer should not be allowed to grow and spread to complete body.. should be removed as soon as it is diagnosed… one got to have a strong heart and mind to take a call…
Love how empowering and refreshing this post is! I think a lot of times, separation and divorce are seen as purely negative events, but I think it takes a lot of courage to leave a bad or unhappy situation and strive for more!
I strongly believe divorce is a blessing in disguise if you marry the wrong person. There is nothing more liberating than breaking free from a devastating marriage; it feels like coming out of jail!
I totally agree with you. Why not set yourself free instead of locking yourself in an unhealthy marriage. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Divorce is tough, however it does saves lives and relationships. Sometimes it gives benefits depends on your situation.
One reason why I feel bad for the couples in the Philippines whose relationships did not work is because divorce is not an option. I am happy that you found somebody who brought you healing with the pain of past relationship.